Turning Corners
Posted in Friends, Jonathan on March 24th, 2009We had a party Sunrday.
It wasn’t to celebrate anything in particular, officially; we’d spent a good part of the weekend finishing adding another bed to the gardens and on the spur of the moment, Jonathan suggested we have a cookout and invite several of our friends, and even a few of our neighbors.
To understand why this was momentous, a little background is necessary – most of which you couldn’t glean from reading my blog, spotty even though it is. Jonathan and I have been partnered for a little more than four years now, and the last year, in particular, has been very tough for him. He’s been profoundly unhappy in general – not grumpy, just increasingly unhappy, manifesting itself in all the classic signs of worsening depression. Work, in particular, has sucked for him – he endured a three-month furlough at his office last year, was brought back primarily because his office knows they can’t function without him, and yet since then has been mostly treated like a red-headed stepchild.
Finally, a little over a month ago, he agreed to see his doctor and seek help. I’ve fought depression at times myself, and always managed to fight my way back to happiness on my own, but even I know that’s (a) not always possible for everyone and (b) a lot more work than it has to be.
Jonathan’s doctor gave him a screening test which showed – no surprise – serious depression and anxiety, and he prescribed some medication for him. It kicked in almost immediately, but after a week or so, it seemed to “plateau” in his system, and it wasn’t helping much any more. I pointed out that he was on the lowest dose of the medication, and perhaps it needed to be adjusted, but when the doctor didn’t return a message left for him with a nurse, Jonathan – again, no surprise – decided he was through dealing with the doctor. He stopped taking the medication altogether.
Luckily (or thanks to divine intervention, or serendipity, or something), he realized that even though the low dose wasn’t helping as much as it did initially, it was obviously still working – because going off made things worse, not better. On the second visit to the doctor to discuss his dosage level, I went with him, and was able to describe the changes I saw in his behavior – and the doctor agreed immediately that a higher dose was probably necessary. (In further discussions, he also (praise the Lord) agreed with me that if Jonathan improved his diet from the junk-food-dominated meals he was having, his body would feel better, and he’d feel better about it – something I’d been telling him for years but which he ignored.
He even agreed with me that Jonathan’s irregular sleep schedule – napping from the time he gets home after work until mid-evening, staying up till past midnight, then trying to sleep again until 5:30 AM for work – was not conducive to good health, physical or mental. And it’s funny, but when your doctor tells you the exact same things your partner’s been saying, and all of a sudden you listen…
No matter. I don’t need the recognition, really; the important thing is, Jonathan listened, and he takes his doctor’s advice. That was Thursday. So two new prescriptions later (one for a higher dose of his antidepressant/antianxiety medication, the other to help him sleep at a normal hour), Jonathan’s already almost a changed person again with a new lease on life.
So, the suggestion for a party was a sign, to me, of just how far he’s come. Two months ago, if I’d suggested having people over, the idea would have been met with an almost sullen, “I don’t wanna”, “please don’t make me endure that” attitude. Now, he’s suggesting it himself. This, in short, is the man I fell in love with.
What a wonderful way to begin Spring.